Steady As She Goes...

Nothing raises flagging spirits like being able to fit into things that, two weeks previously, were 80 or 90 sizes too small.


Case in point: My beloved local amateur hockey team posted some photos from the final game of the season to its Facebook page.  There I am in one of them, suctioned-cupped to the glass (comme d'habitude), having a spazz attack.  I'm not sure if a goal was scored or if it was during the fisticuffs that broke out in the closing moments of the game.  Either way, I was going apeshit.  I look horrible.  In the photo I'm 2 sizes larger than I am now.  My face looks bloated.  I look like I have chipmunk teeth in a stupid chipmunk smile.  My hair is a disaster, my face pasty.  This is not an exaggeration.  I have never photographed well.  The last time I looked good in a picture was when I got my drivers license renewed in November 2000 (which is a miracle, because almost everyone looks like a psychopath in their license photos).  When I saw the picture, the first thing that went through my head was, "Oh shit, I'm so ugly!" 


My first instinct was to quit T-Tapp and walking.  I mean, why bother trying to improve my body if I have a face like a bus crash.  And, I'll admit it.  I damn near headed to the kitchen to binge on ice cream and pasta.  Instead, I did dishes.  After while, I began trying things on.


I tried on an old trench coat of my mother's.  I didn't expect it to fit.  She's a size or so smaller than I am.  Not only that, but she's petite.  I'm a strapping 5'8".  I tried that trench anyway.  It fits almost perfectly in the body.  Only one button is a tiny bit strained, plus the sleeves are a mite too short.  Other than that, it's an excellent fit.  I nearly died of shock.


My too-tight black trousers are still too small but I think a lot of the problem is in the cut.  But, they've gotten a bit better.


One blessing in not being a knockout beauty:  Beautiful people don't always age well.  They hit their 50s and begin to resemble rotting fruit.  God willing, if I truly am that awful-looking, I'll mellow with age.  Or I'll end up fascinating and witty.


Fingers crossed...