Monday.

On the Shrink Yourself forums this evening, some kind soul posted the link to a great little YouTube video that shows what one pound of body fat looks like.  Just looking at the anatomical model of body goo makes me feel slightly ill.  Can you imagine something that revolting living in your body?  It makes me want to never eat crappy food or skip exercise again.  It makes me want to live on salad and fish, nuts and fruits, whole grains and water. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd1bQPnPJXQ&list=FLYXyAjolNrcAmofY8_Jnxgw&index=1


Another good visual for 1 pound of stubborn, ugly fat is a pound of butter.  Imagine 4 sticks of butter in your arteries, around your organs and on your thighs.  Nasty, isn't it?  Have you poked out your mind's eye yet?


So, never again will I step on the scale and lament, "That's it?  That's all I lost after one week of eating spinach and exercising my ass off?  One measly pound?"  Instead, I shall do the victory dance to end all victory dances.

Speaking of exercising my ass off, I have resumed T-Tapp.  Since I have gone so long without physical activity, I will have to do the 15-minute Basic Workout to reaccustom myself.  I have also begun dry brushing my body in the hopes of speeding up the process.  Right now, my goal is to get into these jeans by or before November 12th.  That is the date of the local team's home opener and when I hope to set eyes on CG again.  I want those jeans to either fit perfectly or, better yet, be a little big.  They're awful, aren't they?  Enormous.  Ginormous.  Shamefully big.  And yet, they run small.  The label says they're my size but they're cut small.  I have to work my way into them.

My ultimate goal?  To fit into sexy knickers.  I bought a pair 7 or 8 years ago as motivation and inspiration to get busy, get fit, and lose enough hideous bulk so that I could fit into them and others of their ilk.  What lady doesn't like pretty, lacy, sexy lingerie?  I know I do.  Unfortunately, the size of my derriere, hips, thighs and gut prevent me from wearing cute things.  Frankly, I'm sick of it. 


Any new insights?  Yeah.  The most important one I've gotten in the past week is that, for a lot of people (myself included), fat can be proof of mental/emotional pain.  When you begin bingeing at an early age, it's proof that you've got more pain and upset than you know how to deal with.  Through inexperience or because of your young age, you lack the skills to deal with it in more effective ways.


Insight #2:  Why so many people (myself included) eat when anxious/scared:  Adrenaline.  You get that adrenaline running through your system, it awakens the butterflies in your tummy.  You want calming and soothing, so you chow down.  I notice that I do this when I'm excited in a positive way, too.  The excitement butterflies feel the same as the anxiety butterflies.  A family friend asked if I'd drive up to Winnipeg with him next Autumn.  I love Winnipeg, I love to travel and I love a road trip.  I was and still am stoked.  I found myself eating to calm the butterflies.


Insight #3:  I've got to learn how to forgive.  Yeah, I've taken my fair share of shit from other people.  Sometimes I think I got more than my fair share - who hasn't?  I was talking to my favorite cousin late last night and she's in the process of learning to forgive.  She told me that, as an adult, she's learning that a lot of the shit she endured when she was young was not due to people's indifference but rather due to the fact that they were so overwhelmed with difficulties in their own lives that they just couldn't give her the help she wanted/needed.  I can see how this happened with my family and me.  It's a hard pill to swallow, especially with the way I always thought that everything was my fault when I was little.  I wonder if the reason why I'm clinging to the resentment is because I want someone or something to make it all up to me.  And it's just not going to f***ing happen.


O.k., enough heavy crap.  I haven't exactly been Little Mary Sunshine lately.  It's kind of scary what comes bubbling up when you begin dealing with dilemmas without Cheetos, General Tso's and Snickers bars.


Anything positive going on?  Well, the car goes in tomorrow.  I can hardly wait.  God willing, it will be fixed well and as inexpensively as possible.  When it is sea-worthy, so to speak, I plan on going for a long, long drive.  Gas prices be damned!


Wednesday night I'm thinking of attending a lecture at the Paine Art Center down in Oshkosh.  The curator of the museum is going to be giving a little lecture on the current exhibit and I'd dearly love to attend.  If I can't go this week, there is another lecture on the 23rd.  I'd also love to sojourn in the beautiful gardens before everything goes to wrack and ruin.  I hope I'll get there in time.  This week, the night temperatures are forecast to go down around freezing, so I'm sure that'll put paid to all the flowers and plants in the Paine gardens, particularly the roses.  Which is a shame.  


Next Tuesday night is the Garrison Keillor show at the Fox Cities P.A.C.  I wonder if he's as excited to see me as I am to see him?  Keillor is desirous of retiring in the next year or two, so I'm doubly grateful for a chance to see him live.  He says that he's searching for someone to take over his live shows for him.  With any luck, that search will take a couple of years and he'll come back to this area for at least one more live show.  I'm hoping next week's performance won't consist of him standing on the stage, bitching about politics.  I love GK's writing, I love his Prairie Home Companion radio shows but when he talks politics, it's no fun.  He comes off kind of whiny and belligerent.  If I want to hear someone whine and bitch about the Federal govt., I'll stay home and turn on MSNBC or CNN or FoxNews and listen to the pundits kvetch.  Yawn...