R-E-S-P-E-C-T

After much procrastination and prevaricating, I have resumed T-Tapp.  I'm doing a 4-day bootcamp and if today (Day 4) goes well, I might extend it to 5 or 6.  This routine works so well, I swear my bra bulges and thighs have already shrunk.  Now that's progress!

It's been said by Teresa Tapp, the creator of T-Tapp, that Day 3 of any bootcamp is a killer but Day 4 is when it starts getting better.  For me, Day 1 was nearly my last.  In the space of 2 minutes I alternated between wanting to weep, wanting to throw up and wanting to die.  It was in the middle of the wanting to die portion that I finally understood why people, particularly women, are told to do things for themselves, and not for some damn man.  Had I not been painfully out of breath already, the realization that a Certain Gentleman is not worth this misery but I am, would have taken my breath away.  The freedom of this was staggering and I find myself a lot more enthusiastic about exercise.

Another thing I find incredible is how The Good Lord always seems to send you what you need when you sincerely ask for help.  Example:  For the past couple of weeks I've been praying for help with getting my emotional eating under control once and for all and I've gotten the help.  I haven't been perfect but I've been quite good 85-90% of the time and for that I'm intensely grateful. This change in eating - the moderate portions, the eating before I'm crazed with hunger, actually slowing down and chewing has led me to some insights about Self-Respect vs. Self-Esteem.

When I decided to buckle down and improve matters, I began reading about self-esteem, which is something I've really struggled with for as long as I can remember.  One online article I read was about how the American psychologist, Albert Ellis, believed that Self-Esteem is a myth, because it can fluctuate so much, and what's more important is Self-Acceptance.  I read some more here and there and I can finally see how accepting and respecting one's self  is so important.  Self-Respect says that eating too much will make a girl feel like garbage both physically and mentally.  What it's really been telling me is that if I eat to soothe my emotions, I'm essentially telling myself that I don't have the mental and emotional strength to calm myself without Twinkies and that I'm selling myself short/undermining my abilities.  That's probably the biggest revelation I've had to-date.  Talk about your early Christmas presents!

I darn well intend on persuing this whole Self-Respect thing as the days pass.  This entire week I've been shown examples of what the lack of it can do to people.  It's doubly tragic when it's paired with desperation.  That is not going to be me.