It's late, and I'm chewing over a number of things so this is probably going to be a rather disorganized post. Thanks for bearing with me!
Another way I knew I needed to get a life was when I found myself constantly thinking along the following lines: "I want to wake up tomorrow morning to find myself an ideal beauty(e.g. perfect body, beautiful face, no flaws from head-to-toe, slim, at my ideal weight, etc.), filthy rich and extremely well-situated in life (e.g. done with college, working a darn good job, more independent, bigger circle of friends; things figured out). When I wake to find myself like this, the first thing I'm going to do is buy a great new car and immediately move to Minneapolis-St. Paul. Once there, I'll get a great townhouse/condo/house, fantastic furniture and an amazing wardrobe and I'll throw myself into city life and everything will be perfect." I thought this way every damn day. I still think it. I keep telling my favorite cousin that if only I had a magic wand, I would wave it and make her life and mine 1000% better. We'd both be multi-billionaire-supermodel-Rhodes Scholars. Attractive male celebrities from Hollywood, royalty and major league sports teams would be on their knees at our Louboutin-clad feet. We'd always be dripping in diamonds and always in evening gowns.
The magic wand thing ain't gonna happen. Neither is the waking up to a spontaneous and miraculous transformation.
I still want to move to the Twin Cities. Right now. I lived in Minnesota for three years as a kid, way, way, way up north. Like, 90 miles from the Canadian border. 3 hours south of Winnipeg (fantastic city, btw). 25 miles from North Dakota. We were so far north that snow in October wasn't uncommon. In those 3 years I'd never been to Minneapolis-St. Paul. It wasn't til I was almost 17 that I got to go. I fell in love on the spot. There's so much to do and see. People are nice. It's a hotbed of Hockey, too, which really floats my boat. Up until I went to visit a childhood friend last May I never even considered Minnesota as a place I'd like to live again. But last year's trip coincided with me being fed up and stressed-out and incredibly bitchy with PMS, and wanting to beat the hell out of everyone around me. It was time to get away. On Memorial Day, a bunch of us piled in my friend's conveyance and went to Mall of America, then dined at a kick-ass Asian restaurant in my brother's old neighborhood in St. Paul. Let me tell you, I was loathe to leave. On the way back to Wisconsin I had a little talk with St. Therese (she's HUGE in my book - more on her in future posts) and said of how badly I wanted to live there. Preferably with C.G. as my significant other (sorry for the mention).
These days, I've been envisioning myself in a new car, the radio blasting, C.G. nowhere in sight, and me speeding through the night, on my way to the Twin Cities. I've been really disgusted with several relatives from the snobby side of the family and disgusted with myself for sitting on my duff so long, mooning over a guy who just might be a jerk. The relatives I mentioned are busy either telling everyone how classy and elegant and brilliant and perfect they are, and how stupid/classless/inelegant/vulgar the rest of the world is(namely my family and me), or they're tossing off medical and/or psychiatric diagnoses. One of my loudmouthed cousins swore up and down that I was manic-depressive, just because I was having a lousy few days and in a less-than-chipper mood. This got back to a dear family friend who happens to be a shrink and he was appalled. He said that there's no way in hell (his exact words) I was manic in any way. Not so long ago, this same cousin declared my father to be senile. If he's senile, then I'm Angelina Jolie. In fact, Dad has way more on the ball than most people I know. I thank my lucky stars this broad and I live 30 miles apart. Unfortunately, I see her almost every week.
Another thing I've been thinking about lately is the idea of moving to the Cities and having a life that my family doesn't know about. I love the idea of my snooty relatives not having a clue what I'm doing, who I'm with, what I do on a daily basis. Just being totally out of reach and beyond their interference. And as for C.G., to heck with him. No standing on my head, no trying to be appealing and failing, no stupid mooning. I love the idea of a private Private Life. I love the idea of mystery.
So, I think one of the first entries on my bucket list would be to finish school/get into a career/move to Minneapolis-St. Paul and start living. But since I believe in the utter necessity of adventure and the idea that there might be something better out there, I'm going to say that the upgrade to the Mpls-St. P fantasy would be to finish school/get in a great place financially/move to Toronto or Montreal. Really be in a world-class, cosmopolitan place. We shall see...
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