Yuck! Too much whining!

I've been unforgivably whiny this week.  I know I'm not the only one with car trouble, man trouble and no money.  So, it's time for randomness and something a bit more pleasant.

One of my favorite things to do when I wake up really early in the morning is brew a pot of coffee and listen online to the AM station in the Minnesota town where we lived when I was little.  Especially to the Minnesota farm report.  For some reason I find farm reports interesting.  I always learn something new.  For instance, I didn't know that as of last week Ohio and Indiana were behind on corn planting but that North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin and Nebraska were doing well.  Besides, there's something very soothing about listening to AM radio in the early morning, particularly if it comes from a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere.  The pace is slower, the announcers aren't slick or smarta**ed, they play songs by Sam Cooke, Sinatra, Dean Martin and Petula Clark, they announce townspeople's birthdays and they talk about bar league softball.  Everything is gentle and pleasant, with sort of a church-supper, homemade rhubarb crunch, my-grandma-knitted-me-these-mittens, drowsy, summertime-cookout, Sunday-afternoon feeling to it.  Even in January when it's -40F.  They need to pipe this sh*t into dentists' offices and rooms where they do mammograms.  I listen to it and forget about the unpleasantness in the world.  It really takes the edge off.

You're NEVER too old to blow bubbles in chocolate milk, or blow bubbles, period.

You're never too old to blow spitballs at your brother or have your mother yell at you for doing so.

You're never too old for a pillowfight.

I like Julio Iglesias and Neil Diamond.  And I can totally understand why women get hot and bothered over Tom Jones.

Jurgen Prochnow is an amazing actor and he needs to be a lot more famous outside Germany.  He was awesome in Das Boot - gorgeous, too.

007 films are awesome and I wish I could be a real-life Bond Girl: gorgeous, intelligent, talented, able to get out of dreadful situations and look hot doing it, all whilst helping to vanquish actual bad guys and make the world safe, and then getting to enjoy a little discreet romance with a gorgeous secret agent.  But something tells me MI6 doesn't need much of this kind of help.

For me, the greatest smells in the world are:  Guerlain's Vol de Nuit, the local Hockey rink, Lilacs, Roses, chocolate, that musty/dusty smell when it first starts raining, Catalpa and Russian Olive trees, phlox, coffee, bacon, homemade bread and/or chocolate chip cookies baking, Pine-Sol, Comet Cleanser, wild clover, fresh-cut hay, newly-mown grass, Vidalia onions frying, a cookout, Italian restaurants on a warm night, the smell of damp earth at the end of winter/early spring, new books(especially textbooks), Lake Michigan at the end of winter/early spring, hardware stores, garden centers, cocoa bean mulch, homemade chicken noodle soup, a baseball stadium around the bottom of the 4th inning when the scent of hot dogs, cotton candy, popcorn and beer are all mixed together, a baby who's just had a bath, lemons, church incense.

The greatest sounds in the world are: Rain, church bells, church bells on a rainy morning, thunderstorms, stuff getting sucked up the vacuum, that chirpy noise that cats make when they're cruising for food or when you wake them up, a crowd going nuts at a hockey game, stuff getting sucked up a vacuum, the opening guitar intro to Sweet Child O' Mine, a baby with a belly laugh, cardinals, Janis Joplin's laugh, Susan Sarandon's voice(it's very soothing), the voice of that PBS artist Bob Ross(he died in 1995 but you can still sometimes catch his show Joy of Painting...his voice is like valium for the ears), big waves on Lake Michigan or any body of water, dry leaves skittering around, frogs in early spring, crickets, a cello played well, the overture to The Marriage of Figaro, a good tenor singing Nessun Dorma and Una Furtiva Lagrima, music from the Motown era.

Other great things:  A new diary, a new book, new shoes, a new pen, new school supplies, a full moon over the water, those creepy, spooky nights that you get in October where it's not warm but it's not cold, either, and the wind blows like mad; wild nights in early April when the snow is gone and the wind picks up and it rains like crazy; long drives, Fleetwood Mac, a new purse, a clean bathroom, freshly-ironed sheets, finding the perfect shade of lipstick by accident, winning a dollar or two on a scratch-off ticket, winning $50 on a scratch-off, no library fines, trying a new food or a new restaurant, petting a horse, petting a horse that doesn't bite, playing tug-of-war with a dog, chubby babies, fat cats, baby bunnies, violets, watching the sun or moon rise, fireflies, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Chicago, riding a train, driving late at night during one HELL of a thunderstorm, crab cakes, salmon, lemon meringue pie, seeing the Milky Way, the night sky in winter, days when your legs look 5 miles long, having someone else wash your hair, a manicure, perfectly waxed or plucked eyebrows, a new bottle of perfume, a new bottle of nail polish, a stack of fashion magazines, deliciously trashy romance novels, antique handkerchiefs, free iTunes downloads, flirting, flea markets, farmers markets, fresh corn on the cob that's dripping in butter, watermelon, blueberries, the music of Aretha Franklin and/or Tina Turner, stilettos that are both sexy and not too uncomfortable.

There's a grocery store in the area that sells Louis Treize brandy at $1200/bottle.  You're basically paying $1200 to either go to the bathroom or barf.  If I had the kind of finances that would enable me to buy booze this expensive, I'd be buying Louboutins from Neiman Marcus or giving a salesman at Tiffany's a commission.

Why does Callista Flockhart always end up playing whiny characters?

Can we get George Carlin back?  Please?

Who's going to win the Stanley Cup in 2012?

When is Dallas going to return to TV?  I heard that they're bringing it back this year and Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy, Charlene Tilton, Linda Gray and Steve Kanaly will be reprising their roles.

If they're bringing back Dallas will they attempt to bring back Dynasty?  Of course, they'd have to find a new Blake, what with John Forsythe dying a few years ago...

...and Joan Collins is still the coolest EVER!  She was fantastic on Dynasty and I loved it when she'd guest star on The Nanny.  I love the story of how she ran into a (very drunk) former lover at a party and he screamed at her, "You're a f***ing bore" and she calmly looked at him and said, "But darling, you're a boring f***!"  That'll shut a guy up.

O.k., people, let's hear what floats your boats!  What do you simply adore?